Hey everyone hope you are well. So much has happened in the last few Days and have been finding certain things really getting me down, especially in regards to my nerve disorder, the thing is with this type of disorder it is made worse by any stress and change of state of mind.
Most of the time my hands are on fire and even when the nerve disorder gets worse it can progress to my feet and the pain is like nothing I have ever experienced.
One of my really good friends suggested I claim benefit and work part time. I really appreciate that suggestion and I understand that they were only looking out for my well being, but if I did that for me it would be like giving up as with the disorder there comes an element of depression and I cannot let it get hold of me any further than it has all ready. It really tries to consume you some Days and even when I am at the gym fighting it, the nerve disorder wants to laugh at me and say I am going to win, well guess what fuck you, no you're not. I remember training for the Marines, training twice a Day for nearly eight Months and throwing up on my Morning runs, well although I have made the decision recently to not take part in the Commando Challenge, the Day of the event in October I will be running the 10k at home to honour those men and the ones that have passed or been maimed or injured.
Each Day my body feels like it wants to eat itself from the inside out, well guess what i'm not dead yet, even though it wants to kill me, but yes some days I do wish for death because of the pain and I don't say this for you to feel sorry for me, but more in the hope that me telling my truths that this may help someone who is going through crap or bad times. Yes I sleep lots because of my body going into self preservation mode.
I am keeping my head up and recently got rid of some oxygen thief's, you may ask what are these, well they are people that chat crap and don't add any value to your life, but use you and take what they need, then disappear, so I spoke my mind and they are now gone.
Life is hard and had I seen people with invisible illnesses before I wouldn't believe the evidence in front of me, it is only with experience that I now understand what some people are going through, not would I wish this for anyone as it sucks, but I am getting ready to go to the gym and fight some more. Recently I wrote about a Karting accident and the drivers ability to recover, well one of the guys is called Dan Arlott and he was involved in the crash and I am proud to say he was at the most recent race and he has got back on the horse and I for one am proud as punch, we as humans have a fighting spirit and we need to embrace it, we only have one life and these things are challenges. I'm not telling you what to do, but more so to give myself a kick up the arse. Each time I go to watch the karting it really helps me remember what I have learnt and to try and help others as I have been helped,
One thing I have learnt is that you need to talk to each other if you are going through shit as it helps to talk to people, but only people you built up trust and friendship with, not oxygen thief's to capitalize and use for their own personal gain, like anything I write they aren't digs, but more points to help people